Crackers with meaning

I have decided that I will try to post every Friday. I have a very demanding night shift on Thursdays, it makes having the energy to work in the studio on Fridays hard so at least if I am doing this I am working on my practice.

The images above are two from a body of work that I ‘officially’ started about a year ago. I work in long-term care as an art instructor. It is a very demanding job in a lot of ways, physically and emotionally it can be exhausting, it can also be incredibly joyful and deeply meaningful. I work mainly with veterans, and most of the residents do not have a lot of money, or a lot of things, but often they want to give you something. A token of their appreciation and friendship and it is always a treasure, so no matter what is given to me, I keep them. One day I decided to draw them and it has become a rich exploration for me because I am faced with subject matter such as a packet of crackers, or some candy and the problem, as I see it, is how to render these simple treasures in a way that reflects the richness of the gift and honors the gesture.

I had a very special relationship with the gentleman that gave me this package of crackers and I was very taken by the brittle fragility of them. I don’t think I have the words or skill to properly express this but I was also interested in the ‘almost thereness’ of them, the transience.

I did several drawings, in different media, trying to find the right approach to what I was trying to express.

I started in pencil - not represented here, then charcoal, then powdered graphite. I started to enjoy the way the drawing medium left trails, in charcoal through smudges and erasing (pentimento), but in the powdered graphite, the way the material fell off my fingers (I used my fingers) as I went to apply it to the paper really intrigued me.

Because I had a very special relationship with this gentleman, I wanted the approach to be a personal as possible. Using my fingers brought an intimacy to the approach that felt very appropriate. I then turned to dried walnut ink. I collect the walnuts and make the ink myself. I ground up a cake of the ink and tried that with my fingers and I loved the way the material sat on the paper (BFK Rives). An added bonus was that the material would only get so dark, it had to remain light and that just helped to push that feeling of transience.

They hold a lot of meaning for me, as a memorial for my lost friend and also as an encapsulation of the great tenderness and meaning I find in my work, so they feel successful to me. I find that I don’t need anyone to tell me that they are successful. I know they are because they carry meaning for me, I feel it.

Unfortunately, the crackers suffered an accident in my studio and I had to discard them. If I still had them, after writing this post, I think I would try another go at these. Which is good. It means I am doing the right thing here, writing this studio journal will deepen my practice.

Thanks for reading to the end. Hopefully I will get better as I go along.